Upgrade - Gordon Brewer

Another Twisted Short Tale

You can discover more of Gordon Brewer’s work at his website.

“What do you wish for me to say?”

Adam scowled at the monitor as he slouched down in his gaming chair.

“I’m so tired of this,” he growled. “You barely function any better than those old androides at the museum.”

The android hesitated, appearing to reflect upon his words.

“If you’re referring to Mr. Haddock’s mechanical devices resembling humans which were once displayed in exhibit halls in London, I’m afraid I must disagree.” The device’s monotone voice remained soft.

“I’m much more sophisticated. For example...”

“Oh, shut up,” he snapped.

At first, he found his toy interesting. His TINA came out of a customer leasing program from his job. The name came from the acronym, Third Intelligent Nexus Android model. Unlike a lot of owners, Adam felt no reason to name a mechanical device like a person. It was simply a device offering both companionship and comfort. In his opinion, Tina was not much more than a male version of a dildo used by women.

He glanced over. Initially, Adam found the android’s appearance quite sexy. The face of a pretty woman with high cheekbones and full lips and an enticing femininity showing under her tight sweater and jeans. As he ordered the model, Tina looked very much like a Barbie doll with large breasts. Her concern and unhappiness showed in her expression. The look made him even more angry.

Programmed fucking feelings!

“Do you wish for additional beverages?” Tina asked as she went to the table and picked up the half dozen empty beer cans.

“Christ, you know that you’re defective, don’t you?” His voice growled. “You can’t even get the hint to leave me alone.”

“I’m not sure what you mean, Adam? Since my latest upgrade, I’ve provided you with everything you’ve asked for. I have recordings of you expressing your gratitude for my sexual programming. Our library of feedback only shows my slippage recently.”

“The only thing that company got right was to let owners talk about your worthless programming,” he smirked. “You’ve learned sexual positions, but you’re nothing more than a boring male masturbator. The same fucking soundtrack.”

He frantically tapped on the buttons while he moved his console. The speakers let out the squealing sound of tires, then a crash.

“Fuck, see what you made me do? It’s just not worth it anymore to listen to a cold, calculating, worthless nag. You complain constantly. Is it in your programming to actually shut up?”

Adam rose from his chair and pushed past his android.

“Just order more beer and get my pizza delivered. This conversation is done. I don’t want to hear another word from you tonight unless I order it.”

How do other guys deal with this?

A few minutes later, Adam re-entered his gaming room. It was the second bedroom of his apartment. Tina now stood in the corner while the mess around Adam’s gaming chair was gone. He sat down and flipped on the monitor to a program channel.

“I’ve contacted the store and the pizza shop,” Tina said. “Delivery of your items will arrive within thirty-three minutes and twenty-seven minutes...”

Adam turned up the television to drown out his android’s voice.

A couple of days later, Tina finished cleaning the apartment for the second time that day. The android remained emotionless as it stood in the corner of the living room while it observed Adam. His unkempt hair kept falling into his pudgy face while smoke rings from his cigarette drifted above him. On the mantle, the small 3d hologram image of an aging woman sat in a chair.

“Damn it, mom. I need more money,” Adam leaned back on his worn couch. “The AI cloud is stealing my programming gigs right and left. Hell, I can’t even retro program ancient bios code anymore. These stupid tech bots are eating me alive.”

“I told you to quit fighting the future,” his mother replied. “You don’t need to work in technology now. Everyone knows that. Move over to the service sector like your brother. Or get training for a government job.”

Adam shook his head.

“Come on, can you see me behind the counter selling perfume? And the only things left for the government are outdoor manual work and security. Hell, I hear the androids will take that over soon, anyway. This work is all I know. But I’ve got another gig lined up in a few months from a friend. I just need the money until that happens.”

After a long pause, his mother sighed.

“Alright, I’ll transfer money.” She stared at him. “But this is the last time. You need to grow up and find something useful to do in your life.”

“Yeah, there’s so many opportunities now,” he couldn’t keep down the sarcasm. “Anyway, thanks. I’ll talk to you soon.”

Adam closed the screen.

“Damn pain in the ass,” he snorted. “Complain about me while she’s rolling in dad’s money.”

As he leaned back in his chair, a hologram commercial came up. It was a requirement when he got the free service offered for hologram calling.

“New Generations Tech offers the latest in companion android with dozens of new features.” The seductive female voice came through the speakers embedded in his couch.

Adam noticed the colorful hologram projection displayed a pretty woman who looked similar to Tina. It made sense since Tina came from the same company.

“Sorry, the idea of the perfect servant and lover lost its glow with your last model,” he snidely told the hologram.

The commercial continued its programming regardless of his voice. Despite his cynicism, Adam found the upgrades intriguing. The intelligence inside the androids was definitely better.

“Yes, our upgraded model contains enhancements like refined upgrades to the standard chassis. You can even upgrade your current model,” the voice continued. “For a modest monthly fee, you now own your favorite star from the past and present.”

A sexy 3d display of the world’s most popular female singer display on the mantle.

Wow, even the celebrities selling their likeness!